Four Years In China

 

I am finally closing the China chapter of my life. I was asked by many to put all of my writing about my time there and in the orphanage into a book. It has been a cleansing experience for me to be able to tell it, and is a final tribute to the Chinese children that I knew and loved. My heart and soul have been changed forever because of my time there. If you have ever wondered what day to day life is like in a Chinese orphanage, this will tell it. If you have ever wondered what it is like to love a child so deeply, even though they aren't yours, this will tell it. If you have ever wondered what it would be like to move to a third-world country, this will tell it. This is my story, and no amount of harassment persuaded me to sugarcoat it. It is written as I felt it, saw it and experienced it. It is written from my heart.
 


 http://www.createspace.com/3344909

 

Today I realized that I miss my home country much more than I realized. The sound of a lawn mower sent me running to the window where I hoped to be able to see the familiar sight, as well as smell the aroma of fresh-cut grass. I was disappointed when instead of a mower, the noise emanated from a boat on the lake using some sort of digging machinery. I have only seen one lawn mower the whole four years I have been here. How do they cut their grass, you say? What grass, I answer? It’s only in patches and there are always half a dozen little old ladies pruning what they do have—lawn mowers aren’t needed. I can’t wait until we need a mower again.

It’s been a tough week. The worries of the unknown have caused my emotions to flip back and forth many times. I am happy about leaving. I am sad to leave. I am nervous. I am happy. I am sad. I am nervous. What am I? (sounds like a neurotic mess, that’s what I am)

Yesterday was meltdown day. When I found out that every friend in the neighborhood was able to watch satellite television but us, I lost my temper with the realtor. (They provide the new cards each time the signal is blacked out, and didn’t bother to bring any by our house)

We have had absolutely no television for two weeks, and though I don’t watch much myself, in the evenings Ben likes to relax by channel surfing. When he can’t, I have to hear his constant grumbling. Jeesh, how many seasons of Scrubs and Without A Trace are there? After an irritating game of phone tag, we got new cards at 8pm. Guess what? Less than 24 hours later, they are out again. I didn’t even get to watch Ellen. Why even call again?

On another note, I’d like to print off my manuscript to do edits by pen while I have the time. (again) Does this town have a Kinko’s or Office Depot? No. How about just a little mom & pop joint that can print? Sure, lots of those, but not one that will print 350 pages from a disc for me! I tried to do it myself but two ink cartridges later and many tug-o-wars with the printer trying to eat pages, I gave up at page 220. So, I spent $50 on ink and still don’t have a full copy—and will need to reprint soon! I guess it’s had enough of spitting out all of my ranting; this is revision #347, at least.

What else can I think of to gripe and moan about, since I am on a roll? Hmm…

- I have to find a home for my beloved cat, which I’ve raised from a kitten.

- I found out that my eldest daughter’s after school job is working her until 10.30 pm on school nights and I can’t do a thing about it, since I’m not there to claim my parent role.

- Our company is keeping the details of our future so hush hush that we aren’t even privy to the information. Where will we live? What will Ben do? Hmm...could someone let us in on it so we can try to plan a little—maybe do some house hunting or search schools? The puppeteer needs to let loose of our strings just a tad, me thinks.

- My youngest daughter has been having puppy love issues that I am trying to stay out of while also trying to guide her into tips on how to avoid too much drama. Why couldn’t she stay the sweet, shy girl that everyone back home still thinks she is? Won’t they be surprised at her pre-teen quirks and habits she has recently picked up…

- I have been having dreams about my kids at the orphanage, especially Xiao Gou. How can I say goodbye forever? I can’t, that’s how, and I probably won’t. At least as of now she thinks Ti Ti might pop in some time like I always do—I don’t want to tell her different. I also don’t want her to see me a looking like a crying mess, which is what I’ll be if I go to say goodbye.

I know I need to get a grip. This morning I doubled over in pain from my imaginary ulcer that might just be real by now. I’ve also been looking up “heart attack symptoms” just to make sure the tightness of my chest and fluttering of my heartbeat is normal. I’m not stupid—I know it is stress. I also know I am supposed to see the good in everything so let me get off this computer and try to figure out something positive to post…..I’ll warn you, it may be awhile before you hear from me again.

Today my daughter and my twin sister flew back to the states after their whirlwind visit of 9 days. For the past four years, my sister, Lisa, has heard about my life through emails and pictures. It was exciting to watch her reaction to many of the things I have started to take for granted.

As for my daughter, she lived here with me for a year before moving back, so she jumped right back into the fray with her old friends and even a boy from Turkey and a girl from San Diego who flew in for a teen reunion! We made time to shop for a prom dress and when she couldn’t make up her mind between the classy lilac or the slinky red, Ben bought them both.

We had some stressful moments to be sure, but as we usually do when we are together, we found many chances to laugh and be silly.

Here are just a few moments of insanity:

While at the tailor shop being fitted for the same dress, we insisted to know the measurements to compare butt vs. boob size between us. The tailor was a shy man but couldn’t control his giggle when she was the obvious overall winner.

Lisa spotted twin Chinese toddlers while we were out shopping and their grandmothers were amazed when we asked to have our pictures taken with the girls. As other locals gathered around, the women were telling everyone that we were “American twins.”

After leaving the salon from our $5 head massage, wash and blow dry, we were left waiting on a busy corner until our driver could wake up and retrieve us. Lisa, my daughter and I caused quite a scene with our three blonde heads amid all the dark ones walking by. A man in a van pulled over to watch us from only 5 feet away. After ignoring him for a while, I finally turned and sarcastically asked him if he wanted a picture. Obviously stunned at my ability to speak Chinese, he hesitated and then replied, “Yes!” I didn’t have a picture available, so we gave him a little song & dance show. We thought it would scare him off but he wanted more…

The most memorable adventure would have to be with the Chinese Sweeper Ladies. While driving around taking pictures on Saturday, we stopped at the ant sculpture and got out. This was Lisa’s favorite sculpture; dog-sized ants carrying a real 20-foot log. All of us climbed on and around it and made fools of ourselves being crazy in many different poses. Two of the road sweepers—of which there are many all over town--- stopped their sweeping to observe the crazy Americans. They were so interesting with their weather-beaten faces and colorful clothes that Lisa wanted to take a picture of them. Usually, the older people do not want their pics taken but these ladies were eager to be a part of our photography session. After I took the picture, one of them pointed at the strange machine and said, “Give me a picture now.” I told her that it was impossible to do it “now”. She instructed me to bring it back the next day. I think it surprised her when I said okay and asked her what time. She replied with 3 o’clock and her and her comrade giggled and wandered back to sweeping the highway. The next day, we really did not have the time but we downloaded the pics, saved them to a disc and took it to Kodak. I had two copies of the pictures printed and then went next door to the small shop to get the Sweeper Ladies some goodies. All of the snacks were unrecognizable to me, so I asked young women what would be best to buy for old women. She pointed me to some strange packets of what she said was “soft snacks” and I threw in a few bags of candy. I packed two bags of food and put the pictures in them, then headed out to the highway to try to find them again. They weren’t at the ant sculpture and to make it more complicated, there were many sweeper ladies all up and down the roads, wearing the same green & yellow uniform! We’d pull up close to one, hold up the picture and compare their face to the photograph—then move away laughing when we realized it wasn’t them. I finally had the idea to show the picture to one of the many Sweepers. For a foreigner to get out on the road and run up with a picture of one of their comrades must have been puzzling, but they pointed down the highway in the other direction and babbled something, so off we went. At the next few ladies, we slowed down and Lisa recognized that one of them had the same sort of ribbon in her hair that was in the picture. As we pulled up next to them, one of the ladies looked in the car and her bored expression was transformed to one of amazement when she recognized us. She started yelling for her friend to run over—I assume saying something like, “They came back!! It’s the Americans!” We hopped out (on the busy highway) and presented them the goody bags while they smiled widely and bobbed their heads up and down at us. I told them to remember us as their American friends and as they continued to smile and giggle, we hopped in the van and waved goodbye. It was a cool moment and I’ll never forget the looks on their faces. I am sure they thought they’d never really see us again.

Tonight my house is quiet but I keep remembering different moments of hilarity taken from this week and I know that this visit will be one to treasure many years from now.

Wow-- I can't believe I'm on live journal! This is the first time in over a month that I've been able to maneuver around the block C--H--I--N--A has on it. I'm not saying how I did it, either. I doubt it'll last long before it is blocked, too, so let me say right now that I will be back to faithfully blogging regularly when I return to the states this summer.

Just this week, a friend of ours here had a knock at her door. It was the internet police that I thought were fictitious. They informed her that someone in her house had been accessing internet sites that were forbidden in C--H--I--N--A. She was a little rattled but soon found out the site in question was BBC! It is a British News channel, similar to CNN. My friend and her husband were officially warned before the little men left their home.

This news caused me to be quite nervous, as we all know that I have been very vocal about my work here in C--H--I--N--A and the travesties I have witnessed.

So if I am taken away to some underground cell, please come visit me. Or at least feed my cat because no one else in the family gives her any attention...

Countdown to freedom has started. Three more months to go!

I think sometimes (okay, fairly often) on this new blog site I come across as having a dislike for Chinese people. That's not true at all, I just get frustrated with Chinese ways and especially with their screwed up welfare systems. Not to mention that I have been here long enough that some things just now irritate me a lot more than when I first arrived.

That being said, there are some very good people that are working in the orphanages with the children, struggling to do the best for the kids despite the limited funds and endless red tape. 

Let me tell you about a boy I first met when he was nine months old. He was a very sick little baby in the orphanage nursery that had a hard time even taking a bottle because of his heart problems. He suffered from acute pneumonia and needed surgery quickly, and we took on the challenge to find the funds to finance it. The first $100 was given to me from a sweet old man named Charlie that my husband worked with. When I showed him the picture of the solemn-eyed infant, it just made him melt. With that first donation, we named the baby boy "Charlie" and there began our surgery fund. We were able to raise the money and much, much more that enabled us to continue financing surgeries. 

Little Charlie had a rough time preparing for his operation. He was continually too sick to be taken into the operating room, and we had to get his weight up before he would even qualify. Finally, he was admitted and was able to have the operation which was deemed successful by the Chinese surgeon, who told us that Charlie would not have lasted much longer if he had not repaired the problem when he did.

After his recovery, he was placed with a foster family. The parents already had one child that was in college and needed the extra funds (back then a total of a whopping 300 rmb per month- about $35-- now I hear it is up to 500 rmb). Things were rough at first, Charlie had to return to the hospital many times because he kept fighting different illnesses. The foster mother at one point told me that she was not going to be able to keep him anymore because she could not get any sleep. She said her husband was employed as a driver and he was also perpetually tired. I begged her not to give him up, Charlie had become very attached to her and her husband.

Over time, the feelings were mutual. As his health began improving, they came to love Charlie as their own. When his adoption was finalized a couple of years later, giving him up to foreign strangers was agonizing for the foster mom. He has been gone quite a long time now and I recently heard from the orphanage director that the woman refuses to take any more foster children because she is still heart-broken over losing Charlie.

I feel so sorry for this woman, yet the future that Charlie has now is so much brighter. Many times the orphanage kids are brought back numerous times by several different foster families because of various reasons. Charlie will never have to face abandonment again, he is now loved by his forever family and they wouldn't give him up for all the tea in China. I am attaching a pic of Charlie before his surgery and much later with his foster mother at a Christmas party  that my volunteer group gave for the foster kids and parents. This woman is one of the Chinese citizens that it has been an honor to meet.

 

My driver was fired today. While one side of me is jumping up and down with glee, the other side is sort of sad. I’ve had several drivers over the last four years, though none that have irritated me to the extent that this one has. “James” (he gave himself that name) was one of a kind.

Boracay, Philippines is so beautiful! We are a few days into our holiday and are absolutely loving it here. The sands are white, the ocean calm, and the skies are blue....

There are six families here from China that traveled together; all close friends. Our first night we reserved tables, 13 adults and 12 children, at a restaurant on the beach. We ate to candlelight with the surf lapping at our feet and the sunset casting a glow over everyone. After the meal, the kids played in the sand and the adults had a nice evening talking, dancing and just hanging out.

The second night we reserved tables at the Hobbit House Restauarant-- the "Only Restaurant in the World Owned, Managed and Staffed by Little People". The kids were wide-eyed and amazed at first, but settled down after a bit and quit embarrassing us by staring. We had one hilarious moment when my friend, Sharon, was pecked on the shoulder by a Little Person and was looking all around to see who wanted her. Well, she looked to the left, she looked to the right but she didn't look down. With all of us laughing like crazy and the Little Person waiting with an amused smile, Sharon finally looked down. It was so funny we were all wiping away tears.

Last night was the highlight of our holiday. We chartered a private 72-Foot Yacht for a cruise on the South China Sea. After drinks, music and sight-seeing, we anchored and had a blast jumping off of the tall deck and into the water. I was at first terrified to do it, but after much begging, Amanda and I held hands and jumped! The water was so clear that we could actually see the schools of jelly fish swim by. After a time, we got back in and cruised around until it was time to watch the sunset. A few words to describe the outing: 

Beautiful. Relaxing. Captivating. Amazing. Magical.... 

I admit it. I am an idiot. I do not know how to iron sheets. I didn’t know because in my 36 years, 11 months and 11 days that I have been alive, I’ve never had reason to iron sheets before. In the states, I had a normal sized washer and dryer and my sheets went straight on the bed. Here in China, with the mini sized appliances, sheets must be ironed or you will be climbing into a scruffy, dirty-looking bed, which is not acceptable.

 

Woe with me, our ayi (maid) is on vacation. I am glad I paid her a month’s bonus plus continued her salary, because I figured out today she is worth every cotton ‘pickin penny I sometimes whine about.

 

This is a picture of little Xu Yang. A week after I looked into his deep black eyes, he passed away. He shouldn't have died and it's still too raw to write about it, but I wanted to post his picture and I hope he is in the arms of the sweetest angel there is. When I can, I will tell his story so that he isn't forgotten.

Much to our dismay, there are no Fritos in China. When our friends came over a few months ago, they brought us our favorite junk food snack. Fritos. When the five bags were handed over with much ceremony, it brought tears of happiness to our eyes.

There was one for me, one for Ben and one for our little minx, Amanda.

 

I used the fourth bag to make a delicious Frito Pie. Even though I had to ride two hours each way to the big city and pick up the right blend of cheese, tomato sauce and kidney beans for the chili, it was worth it.  

 

That left one lone bag. No one remembers it but me…

 

That one remaining bag has become my enemy. It is in my nightstand and no one knows about it. (Except who ever is reading this Blog) The devil on my left shoulder says that I should eat the chips while Ben is at work and Amanda is at school. So I wait. However, when I have my chance to devour the chips, the angel on my right shoulder says “Bad Mama! Share the Fritos!”

 

So there you have it. I am at an impasse. So the chips just stay there and wait for me to make a decision. Day after day, week after week they call out to me and remind me that they are still there and probably going stale while I try to decide whether to share or hoard. Sometimes late at night when Ben is next to me snoring and I am reading by soft light, I ease the drawer open an inch or two, just enough to see the bag and make sure it is still there.

 

Four and a half more months and I can have Fritos whenever I want them.  

Bu Yao Pian Wo  .......Don’t cheat me.  
(Needed too frequently)

Ni kai che tai kuai le.  ... You drive too fast. 
(for kamikaze taxi drivers)

 

Gei wo pian yi dian ..... Give me cheaper. 
(you are a wimp if you don't try)

Ni yingai pai dui! ...... You should get in line! 
(atm machines & fast food)

 

Bushi Zhende. Jia de.  ......Not real. Fake.... 
(for those "real" purses they are selling....right.)
 

Bu Yao Ding zhe wo kan.  ...... Don’t stare at me. 
(needed everywhere, all the time)

 

Wo bushi waiguoren. ..........I’m not a foreigner.
(just to get a laugh)

 

Nide bao bao ke ai......Your baby is cute. 
(the babies are adorable)

 

Wo meiyou qian.......I have no money. 
(they never fall for this)

 

Qing bu yao fang pi zai zhe li....... Please don’t "let off gas" in here. 
(elevators. nuff' said)

This is the view out my bedroom window from the 3rd floor of our house. I can see the lake and sometimes if the smog is not too thick, I can see the city on the other side. Most times I can spot a guard or a Chinese worker walking around, or sometimes I see my petite cat, Whisper, sneaking through the bushes stalking her imaginary prey. It's a very pretty scene; one that I know I will miss when I am gone from this strange but addictive country.



Here is a picture of our house from the little dock, where most times after supper you can find young security guards camped out smoking in the cloaked darkness.

I asked this week how Fei Fei, our little blind boy, was doing. I was told he is doing very well in foster care. I will have one more discussion with the local blind school before I leave, as they have promised Lily that they will take him when he is five years old. His story is below. 

~

This happened two years ago but we just thought of it again and rolled around laughing the other night. I think I should journal it to give me a chuckle now and then.

While we were in Phuket, Thailand on holiday, we booked an island tour to Phi Phi Island. This is the island where "The Beach" with Leonardo DiCaprio was filmed and it is pronounced like "Pee Pee".

The morning of the tour, we got up bright and early and with several other hotel patrons, were waiting outside the front lobby as directed. Many different people walked up to retrieve their customers for various tours and treks. But not ours. I was starting to get impatient, as our guide was late. 

A couple of times, when obvious guides would walk up, I'd ask them if they were going to our island....perhaps they didn't realize we were outside the hotel waiting and I wanted to catch them before too much more time passed. I got a firm no each time.

Finally, a pretty young woman walked up the hotel steps carrying a clipboard. I felt sure it was finally her. 

Gently putting my hand out to stop her and with everyone's rapt attention on us, I asked, "Excuse me, are you going to Phi Phi?" 

With a very offended look, she jerked her arm away and said, "NO! I am not going to Pee Pee, I am staying at this hotel!" She was just another hotel patron and I had humiliated her by prying into her personal space...I guess she thought I was accusing her of using the hotel facilities without actually staying there.

"SORRY!" I called out to her as she stomped away.  

I turned red first. Then with the muffled laughter around me hitting my ears, I broke out into the deepest belly laugh I ever had. We all laughed so hard there were many of us wiping away tears.

Talk, Talk, Talk. 

Over the years I really believe that many people are just plain 'ole sick and tired of hearing me TALK about the orphanage and their needs. I see the looks coming sometimes of "Oh man...here she goes again..."

What I say to that is "Too darn bad. I will not shut up."

Communication is what makes things happen. 

This week the orphanage got the van they so desperately needed. It started with the director talking to me and me talking to everyone I knew. It was actually from an email that it was made possible, but that is "online talk". Same thing, different approach. 
Thank you, Poppy and Daniel & Sheraton Hotel.

Last week, another colleague that I've met via the internet and knows I represent the SWI, asked me if we could use new wheelchairs. Heck, yes, we can use new wheelchairs! 
Now he is going to give us ten to be delivered in a month. 
Thank you, Dragonfly Spa! 

Another friend of mine that used to tutor me in Chinese and listen to all of my talk about the kids at the SWI went to work for Bosch. She sent me an email that they are donating a bunch of toy cars for the kids to ride around on outside. They will be delivered tomorrow. 
Thanks, Bosch and Lucy Cai!

Over the years, my talking and emails have brought in special milk for a dying child, diapers, new air conditioners, coats for every child in the orphanage, indoor play equipment and even a library. One man from StrideRite actually came with me for a tour and ended up fitting every child and worker for new shoes! Not to mention that every time I bend the ear of Jim Bell or John Dargan at Worldmark, they anty up cash for another operation. 
Thank You Happy Fund Guys!

I contribute the success of the last four years to not only the fantastic team of volunteers that I have had on board but the fact that I try to let people "Know" the kids. I tell their stories, who they are-what they like to do- what they need. They are not just anonymous names and faces.

So to those of you that are sick and tired of hearing me talk....next time we are together, just bring your earplugs. And if you are lucky, very very lucky....one day I may lose the use of my voicebox.

I went to pick up a friend today at an expat apartment complex. This complex, like all the others here in the city is walled and guarded by ridiculously young Chinese fellows that can’t weigh any more than a popcorn fart. I respect that they are out here trying to make a living for their families, what I don’t respect is the reverse discrimination.

 

As I walked up to the gate, Security Guard #1, who we’ll call Mutt, stepped in front of me. He babbles a bunch of unintelligible Chinese at me (which was in no way, shape or form Mandarin) and gives me a stern look. I know he is asking me who and where I want to go.

 

First of all, if expats (or their companies) are paying the crazy rent prices for the convenience of living in a higher standard of living with protection, a hair salon, gym and other amenities…why can’t the management hire staff that can speak our language? Is that too much to ask? You can go down to the local pizza joint and find the same caliber of workers that DO speak English. Why not hire them?

 

Second of all, as I am being held hostage by Mutt, a few locals breeze right thru the gate without a second glance coming their way. I know the Mutt saw them. He knows I know he saw them. Big deal. We are the scary people, I guess. (all 120 lbs of me..) Click Link to read the rest of my tantrum...

 

Since I came to China, I became a Coke Drinker. 

I now have to have a Coke every day. I limit myself to just one but I have to have it. Or else. 

And I do not want Coke with lemon, Coke with vanilla, and definitely not Diet Coke. 

Today I went to lunch with a friend and the chinese waiter came to take our order.

 I said "Please bring me a coke". 

He said, "Okay, Diet Coke?" 

I said, "No, a Coke. Not Diet. Just Coke. C-O-K-E."  

He said, "Okay." 

My friend said she also wanted a Coke. 

"Okay. Two Diet Cokes?"

"No!" I say, "Two Cokes and Two Grilled Chicken Salads."

He said, "Okay." 

He walked away.

He came back with a tray.

On the tray were TWO DIET COKES. 

Yesterday we had a celebration at the orphanage. A few months ago the director told me of their need for a van of their own. Many times when they take children to the hospital, they are forced to use a taxi. Sometimes (often, actually) when a taxi driver spots the disabled child being held by a worker in a uniform, they pass them by. 

I sent out emails about the need and got a few people and organizations to commit to partial donations. However, when my email went to Poppy- wife of Daniel, General Manager of Sheraton Hotel & Towers, we were in luck. She spoke to her husband..who after many ups and downs was able to approve the funds to buy the van. Yesterday was the ceremony of the handover. Daniel, the GM, and I gave speeches. His about being glad to help the community, mine about all of the support my group has gotten over the last four years. 
Thank you to the Sheraton Hotel & Towers and Thank You Poppy & Daniel!



The kids were all dressed in new clothes and smelling good-- happy to be out of their mundane usual schedule. 



Xiao Gou was especially glad to see me and before she was taken back up to her room, I secretly stuffed her pockets full of candy and oranges for her to enjoy later. I hope she didn't get caught with the contraband- it was only for the guests and not the children, which is absolutely ridiculous. It was an interesting day with a big Chinese feast for all of us. I even enjoyed some of the dishes!



Seeing and holding my girl again after our seperation of a few months was wonderful and painful all at once. It made me hurt for her circumstances in life all over again. What a spirit this girl has, even with all that she has been through. I pray that we will successfully be able to get her approved to travel to the USA for the prosthetic leg. How could the government say no to that gorgeous smile?

Why do I love this man? I am not exactly sure. Could it be because he is the most unpretentious person that I know? Or maybe it is because I fit under his arm just right...perhaps it is because in a day of beautiful celebrities and foxy models, he makes me feel like the only woman in the world. 
I know, I am a lucky woman. 
I am not sure why I am so lucky, but I am.
We are a team. Like tweedle-dee & tweedle-dum. Salt & pepper. 
Peanut butter & jelly....Well, you get the point...